How we respond to events is more important than the event itself.
Watching tennis matches at the U.S. Open not long ago reminded me of this important lesson.
I watched player after player in this year's U.S. Open in crucial Quarter-final, Semi-final, and Final matches, regularly smash or bang their racquets in frustration.
In a funny coincidence every player that lost their composure lost their match. Coincidence? No way. Those players reacted instead of responding. They let negative energy and thoughts rule their minds which then affected their actions (see: ability to play well). It also damaged their reputations in the court of public and professional opinion.
The greats like Roger Federer, Wayne Gretzky, or Sidney Crosby find ways of responding instead of reacting.
In hockey we often like to blame referees for their poor calls, shifting blame for a loss to the guys in stripes. Coaches regularly fly off the handle and vomit various versions of the 'blame game' towards referees. Parents too. This flows down to the players. Players see coaches getting upset, they get upset.
2-Minute Power Play:
When you respond, you allow yourself to focus on the solution.
Your whole stance and approach to adversity is different. It becomes about overcoming the obstacle instead of reacting to it. Reacting robs you of the energy and focus needed to overcome it. Make adversity a time for you and your team to prove yourselves, no matter whether it's a minor or major penalty or a blown call.
2-Minute Minor:
No one is out to 'get' you, coach or player, so you can forget about a ref trying to 'do you in' with bad call after bad call. If a referee is erring towards giving you or your team less leeway it could very likely be a result of how you've reacted to their legitimate calls in the past.
5-Minute Major:
Your reputation as a parent, player, or coach is on the line every time a situation arises where you have the choice to react or respond. If you lose control, others around you are sure to follow suit-- whether you're a coach, player, or parent. People notice. Believe it.
Penalty Kill:
As a coach, make it a rule not to talk to referees unless it's between periods, where you can discuss any issues calmly and in a more private setting--away from your players.
Also make it a rule that no player is to say anything to the refs. Follow through on disciplining players who do.
As a new season dawns for those of us in the hockey world, let's remind ourselves as players, parents, and coaches about the importance of focusing on what you can control--your attitude and the way you respond to events.
"To respond is positive, to react is negative."
-Zig Ziglar
